10 Reasons My Toddler Throws A Tantrum

1. I picked up his toys

Clearly the only reason that I would pick up the 100 miniature plastic dinosaurs strewn throughout the house is to get under his skin. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have had to bite my tongue twice this morning after stepping on one of the spiky little monsters.  The only reason I insist on picking up toys (usually the same ones I picked up an hour earlier) is to start a war.

2. I hold his hand

There is no reason that I would want to hold his precious little hand with those cute chubby fingers. No reason other than to make him feel infantile and prompt a total meltdown as we try to cross the street or navigate the stairwell.  He hates it when I make him hold my hand. Usually, his reaction is to jerk his hand away and run ahead into danger. He has no sense of danger; it’s a blessing and a curse.

3. I clean him

Whether I’m wiping off the sticky after giving him a lollipop or just trying to wash his arms in the bathtub, he can’t stand this one.  Never mind that he comes to me with dirty hands and says “Mommy, I sticky. Mommy clean up.” He doesn’t actually want me to do it. Following through on his directive is clearly an act of sedition on my part and will not be tolerated.

4. I make him sit in his car seat

It is not important that this is an actual law. It’s the fact that I’m enforcing it that is important. Since we have established that he has no sense of danger, there is no reason (in his mind) to strap him down in a seat against his will.  This is especially true since the seat is so far from all the fun buttons and lights at the front of the vehicle. Clearly, my only reason for doing this is to drive him completely mad.

5. I won't let him swim in the fountain

The very adult habit of looking at pretty things but not touching makes no sense at all. A firm believer in interacting with everything in his world, he’s not going to be made to sit on a bench and stare at the enticing water ballet before him.  He will allow me to believe we are making progress by calmly taking the pennies I have given him to throw into the fountain. When I stop him just before he jumps into the water, the war is on!

6. I beg him not to “roar!” in church

I have sucked all the fun out of everything.  I made him get dressed up and brought him to this room full of old people who keep telling him how cute he is and trying to talk to him. Now, I am asking him to be quiet when he has a captive audience? This means war!

7. I insist that he wear clothes in public

Obviously my only reason for doing this is to torture him.  It has nothing to do with the weather or the rules of our society whatsoever! The only reason I would force him to put on pants is to start a fight.

8. I won't allow him to climb on the bookcase

This clearly has nothing to do with trying to keep him safe or avoid a trip to the emergency room. It’s all about control. I just don’t want him to have any fun. That’s why I insist he not use the back of the couch as a balance beam or the 8’ tall bookcase as a ladder.

9. Inhibiting his efforts to destroy library books

My efforts to prevent him from destroying books are clearly just a way to stifle his creativity. I am not concerned with fines or protecting literature. I am just trying to start a fight with him.

1. Doing anything for him that he believes he can do for himself

My efforts to send him into a tantrum and thus continue the never-ending war between Mom and toddler never rest.  When all else fails, I will simply try to do something for him. It doesn’t really matter what. Perhaps I try to put his hat on for him or open the wrapper on his fruit snacks.  Whatever it is, in his mind, my only motivation is to continue waging war against him.

Written by: Sara Parise