• Do NOT Say These Things To My Son

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    Do NOT say this to my son PLEASE!

    1. What an ugly face!

    Yes, someone actually said this to my child.  I took him to get his hair cut. It was only his second haircut.  He was pretty nervous, so I convinced the new stylist that I needed to have him sit on my lap while she cut his hair. She was reluctant, but agreed. During the cut, he started to pout and little tears began to roll. I began rubbing his back and comforting him as best I could. All in all, his reaction was pretty mild. The stylist decided that talking to him might help so she started saying “Don’t cry. It’s okay.” Then, after seeing his pouty lip, she said “Oh, what an ugly face! I hope it doesn’t freeze like that!” My suddenly terrified son began to wail. I clenched my jaw. Don’t say that to my son.

    1. You sure are mean!

    Sometimes, he can be mean, usually following an episode of him not getting his way. However, he isn’t mean. He is the most giving and loving little boy I know. Is he always an angel? No, he isn’t. He’s a two year old little boy, not a cherub. While we are on the subject, do you always behave nicely? I would like to say that I do, but I don’t. Telling my son he’s mean isn’t going to solve anything. Don’t say that to my son.

    1. Big boys don’t cry.

    This is my biggest pet peeve currently. My son recently turned two and suddenly everyone wants to call him a “big boy.” While it makes my mommy heart a little sad to see him growing out of babyhood, I can see the pride it gives him to be called a “big boy.” The phrase is very helpful when I’m trying to convince him to use the potty, sleep in his own bed, or eat with a spoon. However, when he gets upset, even if it’s justified, there are those who say to him “big boys don’t cry.” I’ve banned this phrase in my house. I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that he has to hide his emotions and be happy all the time. I don’t want him to think that men don’t cry or feel sadness and show it. I don’t want to teach him to be like that. So please, don’t say that to my son.

    What have you heard people tell your kids that just didn’t sit well with you? What did you do in response?

    Written by Sara Parise


    16 Responses to “Do NOT Say These Things To My Son”

    1. Yea, much calmer than I’d be. My son is almost 10, and on the spectrum I had a teacher actually ask him if he was stupid once, which he’s not his IQ is rather high he just didn’t like her but that comment no matter how hard his father and I push the fact that he’s smart has made him second guess himself ever since. People don’t realize how a single wrong comment can cause such emotional damage

    2. I HATE when people ask my two and a half year old son when he’s going to start being a potty boy. Not only does it put a lot of pressure on me, but asking him to do something he’s not ready to do yet does not make him want to start the process any more. I actually have taken a step back and tried to let him figure it out on his own rather than push him into something he doesn’t want to do. So when people ask him this question, I want to scream.

    3. I can’t stand it when people give my 4 year old crap for liking pink or playing with dolls. Like I can’t stand “that’s for girls” or “what are you a girl?” A toy is a toy, a color is a color. He’s 4. I mean really.

    4. too fat…liking girl stuff like teddy bear or anything plush toys…if he cries cuz hes sensitive….. I’ve stopped a lot of people (relatives) when they start talking smack, including his grandparents. to others i try as politely as possible to shut them up. if they continue then they dont get the nice me.

    5. My son likes pink and purple. I was worried about it at first, only because kids are mean. And I don’t want him being picked on for liking “girly” things. But I don’t care anymore. People need to get over it!’

    6. I should start by saying my children are amazing when it comes to getting shots or needle pokes. All 3 have stopped crying over them by 1 and just squence and its over. Maybe because I’ve always been direct and calm about what will happen. So one time my 3 year old daughter was getting blood drawn and I think the lady was afraid she was going to freak out (even though my child was totally calm.) So she said,”Don’t worry you will get a shot and mommy will buy you a toy.” It totally irratated me that she made a promise to my child that was not OK with me.

    7. I live in a very religious area. My 4 year old daughter lost her father (my fiance) last year. People will tell her “Your daddy is alive in heaven!” Which results in her asking me when do we get to go to heaven and why won’t her daddy just come home and why do I tell her he died if he’s alive. My kid, I will teach her religion when I see fit. It’s heart breaking to hear a small child say “I wish we could all go live in heaven with daddy”

    8. My kids have red hair though neither my husband nor I do. I can’t believe how many people make a joke about the mailman! Rude enough to insinuate that I was unfaithful to my husband, but even in front of the kids!!! THINK FIRST!!

    9. I’m sorry but this just sounds like things not to say to your son because mommy is too sensitive. What is wrong with saying you sure are mean? If a child is being mean should we just let it go or should we be telling them that what they just said or did was mean? If we don’t tell them how they’re being then how will they ever acknowledge someone’s feelings or how hurtful they are. How is saying to a child that they’re mean going to effect them in the long run? I understand wanting to be positive & say positive things but I think we are so focused on teaching them to love theirselves & less focused on how to love others. I think both are equally important. If another child or adult were being mean to your son wouldn’t you want him to stand up for himself & tell them they’re being mean? Saying big boys don’t cry to a child can be harsh but only if used the wrong way. Let’s say your son is crying because he wants to eat with his hands & you say “you’re a big boy & big boys eat with a spoon & not with their hands” & he continues to cry, saying “big boys don’t cry about eating with a spoon and you’re a big boy” theres no harm in that. Obviously the tone in which its being said I believe will help. This is obviously just my opinion and to each their own but I think that nowadays moms are way to over sensitive when it comes to things being said to their child.

    10. My daughter is 3 and has had 2 abdominal surgeries. She is incapable of control over her bowels. 5 top specialists have told us in no uncertain terms to NOT potty train right now. If ONE more person tries to shame her because she doesn’t use the potty yet, especially KNOWING her history, I’m going to snap

    11. Yes! I this article irked me and I couldn’t quite place why, you nailed it! Completely agree!

    12. There is a difference between saying that they ARE mean and that they are ACTING mean. Just because a child does something mean, it doesn’t make them a mean person. I would tell my son that he isn’t acting nice.

    13. Bottom line is: you are the parent. So if you don’t want someone saying something to your child, then you do your best to control it for as long as you can. Crying is healthy. There is definitely a difference between being a “crybaby” and crying to release emotion. I don’t want anyone to tell my son big boys don’t cry. I want him to know it’s ok to cry sometimes. Think before you speak, not only about your words but also your tone of voice. The same sentence spoken in a different tone of voice can have an entirely different meaning. But in the end, we have to teach our kids how to react in situations where people say things they shouldn’t, because we are not always going to be around to protect and shelter them.

    14. I think her and her kid need to toughen up, the world isn’t a nice place.

    15. And it is going to be a mess

    16. So are all you ladies just telling your little boys to man up when they cry?? Lol I think saying “big boys don’t cry ” is wrong.. But if you say something like “we don’t cry when we don’t get our way” it doesn’t teach them that crying is wrong, just that you don’t do it just because you feel like being a whiney brat. A lot of men were brought up to believe men don’t cry, and that’s bs. Men have feelings. Strong men have feeling. They won’t grow up to be wussies because you are considerate of how impressionable they are to our choice of words.