• Rest in Peace, Tooth Fairy

  • It’s always a gamble when the Tooth Fairy tries to sneak money under a child’s pillow in exchange for the tooth they lost.  The Tooth Fairy delicately slides his/her hand under their pillow, in hopes of not disturbing them during the exchange. Suddenly, the Tooth Fairy looks down to find them staring at you.  Busted!!!

    Tooth Fairy, you’re the first to fall.  Soon, you’ll be joined by the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.  You fought the good fight, but the 8-year was too smart and wielded a mighty sword.  He heard the rattling tooth in the tiny plastic container (compliments of his genius dentist) as his dad tried to escape.  Plastic, really?  Thanks, Doc. 

    No longer will you have to scrounge for quarters when you realize that you only have a $1 bill on hand.  No more will you need to tiptoe in a sleeping child’s room, hoping and praying that you’re successful.  No longer will the tooth fairy fail to show for 3 consecutive days.  Silver lining? 

    In his defense, he is an exceptionally bright 8-year old.  He had suspicions for a long time that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real, that his dad was the one paying him off.  Now, he has enough probable cause to convince him. Quickly, he put together a profile and began to question the suspect.  His dad tried valiantly to put him off, to no avail.  

    The interrogation began in earnest. He cornered his dad to question him and declared “I…….Know……The……Tooth…..Fairy…….isn’t real.  I know, because I could hear the tooth rattle in your pocket, dad.”  He then patted his dad down to locate the evidence. He briefly considered a strip search.  He was unsuccessful in his search.  His dad had enough time between the exchange and the interrogation to bury the fallen tooth in the garbage, at the very bottom.  The 8-year old is still convinced that the Tooth Fairy is in fact his dad. 

    R.I.P, Tooth Fairy, you will be missed.  Although the shelling out of money for bloody teeth, in both senses of the word, will not. 

    Written by: Allyson Johns



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