• What Do I Miss About My Pre-Baby Body?

    The stretch marks reached from just below my belly button to the tops of my knees. That’s right; I had them on my legs. I didn’t even know that until after I had delivered my son. My husband never told me and I hadn’t seen my thighs in months. My midwife assured me that it was mostly genetics, and all the creams and lotions in the world weren’t going to change the fact that when a skinny woman carries a 10 pound baby… there are going to be some scars.

    I don’t care how many articles I read about stretch marks being “tiger stripes,” I’ll never be comfortable in a swimsuit. I special ordered one online last year with special shorts that come half way down my thighs.  It’s the only way I felt comfortable at the beach.  I can accept that each mark is a sign of the strength with which I endured pregnancy and brought forth my beautiful son. However, I can’t seem to convince myself that they are something to be proud of. I remember the firm, tan skin that was there before. I remember how flawless my stomach and legs were. I remember short shorts and showing off my long legs like I was in a Nair commercial all summer long.

    The flawless pre-baby skin isn’t the only thing I miss about my body… the body I had before. I miss the flatness of my stomach. I miss the tightness of my skin. I miss leaning back in an inner tube at the lazy river and listening to my friend jealously tell me that she could see my ribs. These days, all you would see is cellulite. These days I don’t even want to have sex with the lights on because I’m too afraid my husband would see it and be turned off.  I know he loves my body, but I don’t. I miss the way it was before. 

    I was somewhat prepared for the flabby post-baby belly. I was somewhat expecting to see the sagging skin. My friends warned me about it. My mom, who has always been a tiny woman, even after three kids, also sports a small pooch just below her belly button. I stupidly thought I could make it go away with a combination of breast feeding (that’s how I lost all the other weight in just a few months) and lots of crunches. The crunches did nothing. None of the exercises managed to firm the soft spot beneath my belly button. 

    The last thing I miss is something I really didn’t expect at all. Nobody warned me about the incontinence. I had no idea that can happen after just one baby. I knew that it happened to women when they got older, but at twenty-six? I knew that it could happen if you had a lot of kids or didn’t do your Kegels.

    I did so many Kegels! I set a reminder on my phone and did them every day! Hundreds of Kegels! It didn’t matter. If I sneeze or laugh really hard …I’m in trouble. I can’t jump on the trampoline with my son without a panty liner. No amount of Kegels post baby has fixed it either. I miss not having to run to the bathroom when my husband tells a funny joke.

    I miss my pre-baby body, but I don’t miss it enough to skip out on the precious little time I have with my son in the evenings. I don’t miss it enough to pay a gym membership instead of the membership for the Children’s museum. For now I’m working on just embracing me, the me that I am now, and I’m trying hard not to let my bouncing flab and incompetent bladder stop me from playing with my son on the trampoline or anywhere else for that matter.

    Written by: Sara Parise



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