“The Talk”

I have discovered, to my dismay, I am in the minority.  Not to say that there is a “wrong” way or a “right” way to discuss sex with your child – it is entirely based on your comfort level.  I can’t quite wrap my head around parents who, when their children asked these types of questions, either scold them for doing so, or tell them “I’ll explain when you’re old enough”.  If they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to know (my opinion).  When my daughter asked, I answered in age-appropriate terminology, but gave as much of an answer as she wanted.  

At five, when she asked me where she came from, I told her that her father and I really liked each other, at the time, and slept in the same bed.  One sentence answer was all she wanted at the time (now it completely grosses her out to think of me as a sexually active woman).  Children should learn that sex is a healthy, loving experience between their parents (whether their parents are still together or not).  Not answering their questions or putting them off only places a stigma on sex that is unwarranted and may lead to warping their view of sex. 

Since she was five, she has continued to ask me questions (what is oral sex, what does “gay” mean) and I have always answered her truthfully. Knowing I would answer sometimes gave her “embarrassment leverage” over me – once, while in the car with my boyfriend at the time, she asked if I had ever given anyone a “blow job”.  I nearly drove off the road in shock.  When I didn’t respond right away, she proceeded to say “Uh!  It was with my dad, wasn’t it? THAT is so gross, Mom!”  Needless to say, my mortification level skyrocketed.  

And yes, later I did respond to her question. I told her I wasn’t going to answer the question as it was none of her business. LOL

How do you respond to your children asking these types of questions?

Written by: Allyson Johns