5 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Together While You’re Apart

My husband and I are no newbies to the long-distance relationship. We met while we were in college – two different colleges, three hours apart. We married just over a year after we met to end that relational dilemma. So, when my husband was offered a job in a city almost as far apart I wasn't thrilled, specifically because now we have children.

Our daughters are five and two, and they LOVE their daddy. They leap on him the minute he walks in the door. So, being apart is tough on them. Often amid temper tantrums and seemingly unnecessary fits are the words, “I miss my daddy!” This makes me wonder, what brought this fit on? Was it really because my daughter wanted cereal instead of dinner, or was it just emotional exhaustion at the end of another long day of missing her daddy?

I shouldn't complain. My husband comes home almost every weekend, and we just spent four days together in the city where he works. (Granted he had to work two and a half of those days… but we were together all the same.) I think of the many families, like my sister-in-law's, who are separated by active military duty overseas or the friend I have in Romania whose husband has to work in Germany just to feed their family. They are apart for months at a time, so I shouldn't whine about my week-long stints of separation. But to be honest, it's still difficult.

So, to keep close while being apart, I have come up with a list of “keeping it (and us) together” ideas.

1.Talk daily. We are not a media-savvy family (which is ironic since I write for an on-line blog). As such, we don't Skype or have face time. We have to settle for good old-fashioned talks on the phone. My five-year-old pouts long and low for Daddy, and my two-year-old cradles the phone like a baby and leaves big smoochy kiss prints on my phone screen. We chitchat about our day and sometimes plan a longer phone date after the kids go to sleep. We need this time together, even if not physically in the same space.
2.Leave notes of encouragement. Words of affirmation are one of my husband's love languages (a la The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman). I try to send him periodic texts letting him know that I am so proud of him – what he is doing for our family, how hard he is working, the sacrifice he is making being a part from us, etc. It is an encouragement for him and a good reminder to me to appreciate all that he does for us.
3.Make up for lost time. We only have one and a half days together, so that time should be appealing and enjoyable. For us that means, buying a bottle of wine and watching “Shark Tank” on Friday nights. It means making love at least once, preferably more than that since we're making up for lost time. For the girls, it means going out to breakfast and having special outings for Daddy's time at home.

4.Keep him in the loop. For my husband, it's very important to know what's going on. So, I try to be open and real about how I am doing and how the girls are. Since every family has important but taxing details that need to be discussed, we've learned to text or talk about them during the week. That way we don't have to be bogged down by all those daily-life details during our precious weekends together.

5.Remember this is temporary. Yes, I blunder and end up blathering emotionally sometimes, but I do my best to keep positive about our temporary separation. I remind myself that this is not the end of the world, nor is it the worst thing ever; I could think of many scenarios that would be far worse. I am just thankful that by Friday night, I will see my hubby again, cuddled up on the couch with a glass of wine.

Written By: Lisa Liebling