The 16 Things I Did While Making Dinner Last Night

We are in the midst of a move. That's crazy enough. (If you've ever moved, you know the state of catastrophe that your house can get in to.) To top it off, my family still has to eat – the nerve! So in the midst of madness, Mom tries to make a meal. Expect, this is no cooking show complete with a glass of Pinot Noir. This is a war zone with every angle battling for Mom's attention and sanity.

Read on to find out the over a dozen things that I needed to accomplish while trying to prepare chicken, rice, and frozen mixed veggies.

1. Burn an entire pot of rice. I put the rice on, turned on the timer, but forgot to turn down the heat because I was called into a different room by the pleading cries of my child who needed me to untie a piece of string. (Really necessary, huh?) Thankfully, I got to the pot before the smoke alarm did and just shoved that thing over to cool while working on number 2.

2. Transform into a game master. While trying to start a new pot of rice, my daughters came in, each carrying a different board game in their hands. So, while spilling rice all over the counter, I agreed to play games… with both of them… simultaneously… while still making dinner. Where is my cape, people?

3. Thaw time. Trying not to contaminate my family with salmonella, I thawed three chicken breast for dinner. The first bowl I tried was, of course, too small. Yeah, more dishes!

4. Kitchen showcaser. Meanwhile, my kitchen counters were covered with newspaper, bubble wrap, partially filled cardboard boxes, and nearly a half a cup of uncooked rice. Let's ignore the dirty dishes flowing out of the sink. So, I tried to shove newspaper pieces back in the boxes, pull them off the counters, and wipe the counters down so that I can assemble the rest of the meal.

5. Become a ballet dancer. Those were my cool moves that happened as I gracefully tripped over the boxes underfoot while trying to dash between board games and the rest of the junk I still had to do.

6. No, I'm not busy. My sister called, “Sure, I can chat. No, not much going on here, just the usual!” It's always about this time that number 7 happens.

7. Boxing referee. Why is it that children somehow become invalids or hoodlums when you're on the phone? Suddenly, they are incapable of helping themselves, or they think, “Mom's busy. Now's the time to punch my sister in the eye!” So, I got to break up two fights.

8. Head chef. Okay, there were seven minutes left on the rice. Time to put in the chicken. In three minutes, I'll start the veggies. Aren't we amazing, ladies?

9. Patron of the arts. They're bored with games by this point, as should have been obvious by number 7, so now it's performance hour. My girls now had moved the step stool from the bathroom to the center of the kitchen where they were alternating turns performing their latest works of art. I, of course, must watch every dance move and catch every clever line of their avante garde performance pieces. Oh, and applaud wildly!

10. Become a bruiser. Yep, I stepped on my toddler's fingers while she was watching sister perform. How was I supposed to know she was sitting there? She's two! And I'm 5'9”. I can't see her down there while backing away from the stove to remove the pot of rice!

11. Endure Hades. I endured 8 renditions of “Let It Go.” I now hate that song. I want to get in their cute faces and scream, “No, seriously, LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR ON THAT MOTHER…. SONG! I LOVE YOU, BUT ENOUGH!!!!”

12. Dish dash. Well, shoot. I guess people need clean dishes for dinner and places to put the dirty ones after the meal, so I might as well empty the dishwasher while waiting for the chicken to finish grilling.

13. Broke the dam. In an effort to clear the table of the two half-finished games, newspapers, dirty dishes, etc., I knocked over an entire glass of water. So now it's time to clean that up, too. At least be thankful it wasn't grape juice, huh?

14. Bent down and pet our poor attention-deprived cat. Ever since we've had children, the poor feline's taken a backseat. She's gotten to the point that she'll even accept the girls' fondling without hissing and growling, a big step for this old bitty.

15. Head maître d'. Not only do I set the table, I also am capable of preparing drinks and serving my customers – uh, children – as well. I, of course, usually make them help with things like napkins and getting drinks. But some days, it's just easier to do it myself.

16. Eat. Yep, I actually got to eat the meal. Can you believe it? I did have to cut up their chicken in the process, but I was sitting down while it happened. So, ta-da!

There you have it! Sixteen amazing feats of strength, agility, and mind-boggling multitasking all for one not-so-exceptional meal. Oh, well. It all worked out, just like it usually does. Is your dinner anything like this? Let me know in the comments below.

Written By: Lisa Liebling